I think this is a question I have asked myself more than any other. Where am I heading in life and what do i want to do. At the age of 31 I think I have finally reached a decision, well when I say "reached a decision" what I mean is finally had the guts to go for the job I have always wanted.
To date I have had a variety of jobs. I have never really settled in any of my jobs as I felt there was something missing, always a yearning to do a certain job and no matter what I did, that yearning never went so I have decided to give in and go for it!
What is this job? I want to be a midwife! I really have a huge fascination in the whole pregnancy and birth process. It is just amazing what the human body can do and every aspect of the 9 months up to the birth and beyond is magical. I loved visiting the midwife during my last pregnancy as I knew so much more than I did when I was pregnant with my first and I could sit and have quite in depth conversation about the more technical aspects of birth and felt so in control. My midwives inspired me to have THE most fantastic home birth, they empowered me to make choices and believe in my choices and having this fantastic experience was the deciding factor.
Now i am not naive and think that it is all joyful and wonderful. Running a forum online with over 200 women has exposed me to a lot of different experiences. As well as sharing in the joy of so many wonderful women who have given birth I have also seen the utter unfairness of infertility, the trauma of miscarriage, the painful memories of traumatic births and the devastation of still birth. As upsetting as each of these experiences are it has only made me want to be a midwife even more.
I want to help women take charge of their pregnancies and births, I want to support them through the highs and the lows and I want to share in the joy and tears and I want to be there at the start of a babies journey through the world.
So where I am with this dream? Well on the 23rd I have an interview for local college. Its just an access to health course but I hope it is the foot in the door, the first rung of the ladder, the start of my long journey to become a midwife. Fingers crossed!!