Wednesday, 22 June 2011

The most special mum I know!

There are many qualities that make up a great mum, kindness, patience, care, love, understanding, tenderness, dedication and devotion.  The most special mum I know has all these and more.
The most special mum I know loves her daughter "To the moon and back", it's a love that is unconditional and will never tire.

Yesterday the most special mum I know celebrated her daughters first birthday.  There were cards, pressies, flowers, balloons and birthday wishes galore.  

Yesterday the most special mum I know read her daughter the special book that she promised she would read to her every year on her birthday.

You are probably reading this and thinking that you do all these things with your child too so why is this mum so special?  Let me show you a photo of the most special mum I know reading a story to her daughter yesterday on her 1st birthday

Yesterday Caz, the most special mum I know, sat and read her daughter a story.

One year ago, on the 21st of June 2010 Baby Anabelle Morgan was born sleeping.  I think the photo above speaks volumes about how much Belle is loved by not only the most special mum I know, but also her daddy who took the photo, by her family who sent flowers and the many people that never met her but love and care for her mummy and daddy who sent gifts and birthday wishes.

The photo above made me cry, it made me angry, it made me sad but it also warmed my heart and made me proud to be friends with the most special mum I know.

Monday, 20 June 2011

I did it!!

Yesterday was Race for life day.
I wasnt particularly looking forward to the run as it had been raining all week and the track is mainly grass and woodland and from previous experience it can be slippery and very muddy.
We arrived at the course in plenty of time and I met up with a friend and had a bit of a natter.
This is me ready to go!

I got a bit frustrated with the wait.  We were due to start at 11 but people were still arriving so the start time was put off till 11:30.  It is really frustrating when you have made the effort to get there early and other people cant be bothered to get there on time (but thats another blog post!!)
Anyway we finally got the go ahead to start and I joined the jogging group.  We set off and as usual there is a small bit of jogging then everyone bunches up and we have to walk for a bit!  Then we got round the corner, out of sight of the public and the majority of the joggers decided to walk, Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why join the jogging group is 2 mins later you are going to walk!!  I then had to spend ages weaving in and out of people walking, chatting on their mobile phones *sigh*.
Finally I managed to get up a bit of a rhythm and was enjoying the run when I came to another bottle neck!!  There was a puddle in the gateway and everyone was faffing about trying to find ways through it, in the end i got so fed up I just went straight through the middle of it an carried on.  I was doing really well until I faced my nemesis.... a freshly mowed field.  I suffer really badly with hayfever (great when you live you a farm!) and as I was running around the field I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter until in the end I had to stop and walk.  From then on I had to do a mixture of running and walking.
As I was running through the last bit of woodland, singing away to myself in my head, I felt a tap on my shoulder so i took my headphones off and turned around.  A lady had been running behind me and had been reading my back plate and said she had to stop me and give me a hug!!!  Bless her!  This made me very emotional, how lovely for someone I had never even met to feel compelled to give me a hug!
My back plate

Coming out of the woodlands meant there was only 500m left until the finish line!  Seeing people lined up along the route cheering and willing you on really helps with the motivation and im pleased to say it was a sprint finish!!!  I finished in 45 mins which is an okish time.  I had hoped to do better but the pollen got the better of me on the day but still, I FINISHED!!!  and I have made a difference to someones life.  How amazing is that!!
Me and Rich at the end :0)
Coming out of the race I felt really humbled to see a lady in a wheelchair being pushed around the course by her husband and I just thought how amazing and how determined they obviously both were to complete the course!

So there we have it!  Its all over and done with and the total so far is £1020 in sponsorship money.  I have been promised more donations so hopefully I can bring you an updated total soon.  So far this year I have raised £2820 for charity, not a bad total for little me!  How nice it would be to get to the £3000 mark.....hmmmmm (light bulb switches on above head!)

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Tesco made me cry!

Its probably not the first time I have cried during a visit to Tesco, usually it is after the cashier presses the total button and the amount comes up on the little screen.  But today was different.

We went with the specific purpose to buy fathers day pressies for Rich.  I have struggled this year with what to get him.  My plan was to get him a second hand Iphone but i guess everyone loves theirs so much they dont want to part with them, I know it would take a brave person to try and separate me from mine!

Anyway Sofia, Richie and I were on a mission.  We chose our gifts (not very exciting compared to an Iphone but hey ho!) and then headed off to the card section, and thats what made me cry.  I stood there trying to decided which card I should get for him from the girls and then it clicked, its not just the girls this year.  He has a son too.  Now thats not a new thing, after all Richie is 8 months old now (Eeeek where did those 8 months go!) but this is the first fathers day since Richie was born.  Its the first time I could get a card that says "From your son Daddy"  Just 4 words, 4 very simple words but enough to make me cry!

Rich is a fantastic dad, he is the best that I could have wished for when I pictured a daddy for my children.  The girls stick with him like glue when he is home, they love to help him in the garden or in the shed and I love watching him read them a story but I knew deep down that he wanted a son.  Someone he could pass on his name to, continue the family tradition, do "boy" things with.  I am proud that I gave him this gift, well, all 3 gifts but to have his son, especially at the time Richie was born, just made things all that more special, almost like a gift from someone who knew!

So buying a card that said "From your son, Daddy" was one of the proudest moments of my life.  So here it is, the small little thing that made me cry
This time last year I picked up the first funny card I found and a few bits and bobs, I never really appreciated the sentiment behind "Fathers day" after all I grew up without a dad so I guess the understanding and appreciation of the father/daughter and father/son relationship isnt really there, but this year I realise the importance of it for our children.  They still have their dad, they have another chance so this fathers day will be a special one for us.

Make sure on sunday you give your dad a tight squeeze and thank whoever you believe in that you have him in your life.  Dads are special!

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

That ole waiting game again!

Yesterday morning we went back to the hospital for a consultant appointment.  Rich is still getting a nagging ache in his shoulder so enough was enough and I called the chemo day unit for an appointment.

Walking back through those yellow doors into the waiting area brought back all those old feelings of waiting for test results, chemotherapy, blood tests and the like.  It's amazing how quickly you forget those feelings and also how quickly they come back when you see an object that triggers it.

So in we walk and Rich is sent to the beds to wait.  The consultant comes to talk to him and it was obvious that Rich was nervous as he just wont stop talking!  He suggested bloods and a scan to check the shoulder area.  Bloods were taken there and then but its now a waiting game for the scan.

I really thought (perhaps naively) that once we had the last scan that we would be free of cancers grip, free to get on with living our life as a family, but it seems that cancer is not yet ready to let go of its grip on our lives!

So here we are....waiting for the scan date...waiting to find out if its back....waiting.....

Monday, 13 June 2011

Tomorrow is the day...

that I have been waiting for since last year.  Its TAKE THAT day!!!!  

I first saw TT in concert during their circus tour and they were AMAZING!!!  It wasnt the first concert I had been to but most certainly the best.  The staging and theatrics were fantastic and I loved it all so when they said they would be going on tour this year I was determined to get tickets come what may!  I knew from trying to get Circus tickets that it wasnt an easy task and wasnt looking forward to spending hours trying to get through to the ticketmaster website or phoneline but was prepared.  Then out of the blue, a few days before hand a friend messaged me on facebook to say that a local coach company were running a trip to the concert and tickets would be on sale through them the day before general release.  9am came on that day and I was on the phone and my tickets booked.
I booked 3, 1 for me, 1 for my friend Anna and one for my 9 year old.  I didnt mention anything to her about the tickets until her birthday this february when I put a message in her birthday card to say that in June she would be going to see TT in concert.  She was thrilled to bits!!!
I try and give her as many opportunities and experiences as I possibly can.  We didnt have chances like this when I was her age and would have given anything to go and see my fave bands in concert so I am only too happy to give her these opportunities!

So tomorrow is the day!  My TT t'shirt is in the washing machine at the moment and I have the challenge of finding hers somewhere in the pit she calls her bedroom.  Im not sure ill manage it by tomorrow and sitting her blogging isnt going to help.
We are all very excited! Anna is under strict instructions NOT to be late for the bus tomorrow which will be a first for her :0)

One more sleep and TT here we come.  Hope you are ready for me Robbie, this has been a long time coming hehehe! 

Saturday, 11 June 2011

The race is on...

well ish!

So this time next week will be the eve of my race for life!  I am looking forward to it so much and this week I will be preparing my back plate.  I need to think hard about what I am going to say on it, there is so many words I could say but it needs to be to the point and also show my love and pride in Richard and what he has come through.
I have chosen the photo I want to use.

 I had contemplated using the picture of us as a family taken by the local paper
but decided against it as the focus in my mind on the day will be him and I will be proud to carry his photo on my back.
Funnily enough it is also fathers day the day of my race which i find really symbolic.  Rich is a brilliant dad and the kids love him to bits so running for their dad will keep me going!

The down side to all this at the moment it my left foot.  I have tried to run twice this month and both times my left foot and ankle have been agony.  I have been to see the chiropractor to try and get it sorted out and she did help and I was pain free for a week but as soon as i tried to run on it again, my ankle gave way and its really painful again.  So what to do?   Well one thing I will do is finish the race, that I know.  In what state I will finish it is a different matter.  I have trained long and hard for this and there is no way ill pull out now.  I have decided to join the running crowd and see what happens.

I am looking forward to it very much, the atmosphere on the day is always electric and its so emotional reading everyones stories as you go round the course. Sometimes I wish there was more I could do, and this I will give some serious thought to in the coming months, but for now I will run(?) with pride, love and humility for the man who I love beyond words, for the strength, courage and determination he has shown and for the future, our future as a family.

(Ill also being having a last minute push for sponsorships so if  you have a £1 or 2 to spare, please pop along to my page

Wish me luck!!

Friday, 3 June 2011

A minor (!) blip?

Things have been going well, we have been busy as a family with so much stuff going on that for a second we have forgotten what has happened in the past year.  Its easy to do when life gets in the way, kids are busy with activities and you go back to being "normal"

Little things prick your conscience, like a trip to Tesco this week.  There was a motorbike for sale in the carpark and as he always does Rich said "oooh look at that bike, bet that would fly" and as always i say "There is no way you are having a bike"  Its been a little thing between us for years.  This time was different though cos a little (9 year old) voice pipes up from the back of the car saying "Dad you are NOT having a motorbike.  I dont want you to have an accident and be ill again, you have only just got better and I dont want you to be ill anymore"  The tears started to come but I had to turn away and not let it show, but you could tell it got to Rich too.

Then you hear those words "My shoulder aches again" and suddenly that stomach lurching feeling is back and those memories of chemotherapy and pain and sickness come flooding back.  In fairness he has been overdoing things and wont listen when he is told!  In the past few weeks he has spent all day helping his brother build and fit out a log cabin, then after tea has been going to our building plot to work on our house, he has been mowing the lawn, building picnic benches etc etc (you get the picture) so the likelihood that his shoulder hurt because he has overdone it is a realistic prospect BUT there is always that what if!

So this weekend he is to rest and if there is still pain on Monday then back to the Dr we go :0(  Till then sleep will be a distance memory in this house!  I laid in bed last night and just thought back to the last 12 months, and I pray to who ever will listen that we NEVER have to do it again cos i dont think i can.