Day's of disbelief

For the most part I seem to be getting on with things pretty well.  College is manic, the business is doing well and we have settled down into family life quite well then every so often I get caught out.  Something comes along and reminds me that the last year actually did happen and it wasnt really some kind of strange dream.

Last night I was laying in bed reading "Confessions of a GP".  As books go its ok, a light read i suppose you would call it. Last nights chapter was about the GP's friend who died from Lymphoma and wham, it all comes flooding back.  I was trying to think back to Richie's first few months and all i can remember is hospital visits, leaving him at my mum's, a few times where he came to the hospital and got fussed over by the tea ladies, and they really fussed over him lol!  But thats about it. I dont remember that first smile, the first time he clapped hands, all those little special moments that I wont get back and this does make me sad.

I have spent an hour or so this evening reading back over my blog and it is almost as if it has been written by a stranger.  Perhaps it is my minds way of coping with it all by blocking it all out but in the process my baby boys first year has been blocked out too, and not just him either, I dont seem to have noticed Sofia growing and changing.  She is such a darling little girl (challenging at times i must add lol) and her sense of humour and comedy timing is fantastic.  She is a proper little ray of sunshine in this household.  Her and Richie have developed an incredibly close relationship and are a proper comedy duo in creche.

It is hard to believe that any of this actually happened, hard to comprehend, hard to understand and hard to find meaning to it all.

Rich said to me last night that he wondered what would have happened had the hospital not found it or he had not gone to the Dr's that day, would he be dead now.  I cant even process that thought.

I asked him if he was as scared as I was about it coming back, his reply "Time to sleep now"  his answer says it all.

Well hello there, how you doing?

It's been a while hasn't it!  I hope all my fellow bloggers and readers are doing just fine.
So what have I been doing with my time since I last posted?  I guess it is time for a catch up!

First and foremost, the reason I blogged, Richard.  It is almost 12 months since he started his chemotherapy.  Can you believe how fast the time has gone because  I cant!  When we first started on this journey through cancer the future seemed far away, a day without cancer being our first thought upon waking seemed far away but all of a sudden it is here!
Richard is doing well.  He is more or less back to normal although he does get more tired than before but I guess that is only to be expected.  He has remained positive throughout and his strength and determination has carried us through the past year.

The second subject of the blog, Richie jnr, my handsome boy!!  He really is a little star, such a happy and easy going little boy who really does have a smile for everyone.  He is gong to be one on Tuesday, the year has flown and I believe that his arrival has made the whole process easier as it gave us all a positive focus.

Here he is a few weeks ago, ready to knock the girls dead on his first day in creche!

Which brings me on to me!  I have made a lot of changes recently, I guess the most major one is a total career change!  Watching Richard go through his treatment and observing the work of the nurses on the ward has inspired me to start the process of training to be a nurse.  The final outcome of this will hopefully be midwifery but in the mean time I want to give something back, perhaps a round about way of saying thank you to the nurses and doctors who helped us through such a difficult time.  I guess the easy way would be to send a card and some flowers but my friends will tell you I never do things the easy way.
So here I am a month into an Access to Health course with a shed load of assignments to do, so much still left to learn but I have fantastic new friends and i predict we will have a ball!  So here we are, a new path to follow, a new journey in life and if you are up for it then i'd love you to come along with me for the ride.  So there we are, a new chapter in the world of Cancer and baby equals chaos :0)