Sleep

S is for sleep, something that used to be a good friend of mine but we have fallen out in recent times!

I used to love 11pm because that was our bed time, we would snuggle up in bed together and fall asleep cuddled up.  It was my fave time of day!

Then came the night sweats, I couldnt go anywhere near him at night time because he was soaked in sweat,  This is when I first started to worry about him and what prompted me to nag him to go to the doctor.  Since then night times have never been the same.

When I first moved in with him it took me ages to get used to sleeping in the same bed as someone else but then it got to the point where I couldnt sleep without him in bed.  His arms around me made me feel safe and I could fall asleep with ease.

I have now got used to not sleeping because we are not cuddled up so that is why I am sat here at 01:17am typing this instead of being in bed snuggling up!
Just another sign of how life has changed for us :o(

Reflections on motherhood

One of my lovely friends posted a link to this video last night and I thought it was perfect for todays post!  Its called Reflections on Motherhood.  The film makers asked mothers what one thing they would say to themselves if they could go back in time before they had their baby.  Have a look...

Did you cry?? I did lol!

So it got me thinking, what would I say to myself if i went back in time?  

I would say.....

Motherhood is not as good as you imagine, its a million times better!!

So what would yours be?

Questions

Q is for questions, as there are still so many unanswered!

1) Why did Richard get cancer?
2) Why did it have to happen when it did?
3) How do we know it wont come back?
4) How will it effect the future?
5) Will we ever be a normal family again?

These are questions that realistically no one can answer but they are the ones that I am desperate to know the answer to!

Rich finished his course of chemo today (cant tell you how happy it makes me feel to be able to write that)but the relief is engulfed by the "what now's"

So 6 months into this nightmare I am still left with the same questions I had right at the start.

Photography - Capture a moment!

P is for Photography, a passion of mine!

My father in law to be bought us a DSLR 2 years ago and I have turned into a bit of a photography geek!  I love taking photos that capture a moment!  That moment could be my children sharing their toys, a calf being born on the farm of Rich doing the dishes (that is a rare thing in our house!!)

So I was wondering who fancied joining me in a bit of a challenge?  Each week on a Tuesday I am going to post a photo from the previous 7 days where I have captured a moment.  I will explain about the photo and why I have picked it and hopefully it will encourage me to pick up my camera a bit more often than I do at the moment!! So who is up for it????

Here is my photo

I took this photo in my garden one morning this week.  We had moved the calves from a little paddock into the big field for the first time and the next morning when I got up and opened the curtains I found them all in my garden!!!  Its the joys of living on a farm :0)

I look forward to seeing the moments you have captured every week!!



Oh and while you capture a moment, why not capture my badge too?

<a href="http://cancerandbabyequalschaos.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x24/ilovebaalambs/Captureamoment.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Ooops

O is for oooops! Been so busy working on the new business that i forgot to blog!!! My apologies and normal service will be resumed tomorrow!!!!

Silent Sunday

New

N is for New, or specifically New Business because that is what I am working on at the moment!

I really enjoyed the challenges of organising the charity tea party and have also been working with http://www.la-roche-uk.co.uk/ which has inspired me to get my arse off the sofa and sort myself out.  Although when I say get my arse of the sofa, ive spent all day working on a website and have not actually moved!

So I can sense the anticipation in finding out exactly what I am going to be doing but I am wondering if I have built up enough tension yet??

Ah ok, well my business is called With Love...from me x and I am going to be making and selling beaded and fingerprint jewellery.  Now not only is setting up a business a totally new experience for me but Jewellery making is also a relatively new hobby!  I went to a few classes this week and got on so well with it and enjoyed it so much that I decided that it was something I could fit in around the children and I can do from home so off we go!!!

So check out www.with-love-from-me.co.uk, the site is still very much under construction but there is a link to follow me on twitter and facebook.  It is very scary and exciting all at the same time!!

And (bad writing starting a sentence with and!!) as if she knew, Jo over at http://jojokirtley.blogspot.com gave me an award this evening called Kreativ Blogger award!

I have to link back to Jo (check) then tell you 10 amazing facts about me!  Gosh, amazing facts??  This is going to be difficult!!!

Ok here goes

FACT 1: In 2005 I spent a month teaching in Africa, whilst I was there I got to fulfill a life long dream.  That dream was to go diving with Great White Sharks

 This is me in my very fetching wetsuit and diving mask!!  I hoped into the water expecting it to be warm considering the temperatures were hitting the high 40's every day but the sea was bloody freezing!!

This is a picture of a Great White Shark taken with an underwater
disposable camera!

FACT 2: I have sung on TV several times and have featured on a CD with The Pembrokeshire Youth Choir

FACT 3: I gave birth to my 2nd child in 26 minutes

FACT 4: I have never read a Harry Potter book or seen any of the films

FACT 5: I collect sheep!!!!  Not the real life ones that sit in the field going Baaaaaaa, although we do have rather a few of them!  I collect china sheep and have a display cupboard full of them, all different shapes and sizes.  There must be over 100 in there!

FACT 6: Rich is my childhood sweetheart.  We have been together since 1995 and have never split up in that time.  We are certainly soul mates :0)

FACT 7: I once appeared in a crime stoppers appeal video for an attack in a local playing field.  That attack is now part of a huge trial going on locally which also includes 2 double murders!!

FACT 8: I have lived in Pembrokeshire all my life and would be happy to stay here forever, it is truly a beautiful part of the country

FACT 9: I have never broken a bone (that is just asking for trouble isnt it!!)

FACT 10:  I am so boring there isnt a fact 10!!!

So there we go!!  Now i have to pick other bloggers to give this award to!  Hmm lets have a look!

I award

1. http://ourhandmadejourney.blogspot.com/
2. http://first-time-daddy.blogspot.com/
3. http://frommyclassroomwindow.blogspot.com/
4. http://babyrambles.blogspot.com 

 Hope you enjoy reading these other blogs xxx

Mental Health

M is for Mental Health and I think this post my divide opinion but im going to speak my mind because thats what I do.

This week it was revealed that Catherine Zeta Jones was receiving treatment for Bipolar disorder after her husband had been treated for throat cancer.  Now, I first of all want to make it clear that I sympathise with her 100%, watching the person you love most in the world going through such a terrible illness is heartbreaking.  You feel lost, totally out of control and helpless, although that is probably an understatement.  It is enough to make anyone crumble, I know I did.

I beat myself up about taking my "happy pills", I felt like a failure because Rich was coping so why shouldnt I?  I slowly crumbled and it was like I was sat outside the window, looking in on a life that wasnt mine.  If it wasnt for the support of my lovely ladies then I would never have taken that step to get treatment.  It helped big time and I feel more balanced and able to cope, I can see now that it was the right thing to do.

So thats why I can see why Catherine has gone through what she has BUT and there is a but, I dislike the way all this media attention is focused on how brave she is for signing into a top clinic and getting help.  Now dont get me wrong, it does take a brave woman to admit there is a problem and to get help but just because she is famous and loaded does not make her any more brave then the hundreds of "everyday" women out there that struggle with depression.  No one publishes their story and congratulates them on being brave.
The only thing this story has achieved (if anything at all) is to highlight the fact that mental health issues do not just effect us normal people, but also the rich and famous.  Depression does not care about money and status but if you have the money and the status then you are almost certainly going to stand a better chance of recovery than those who have to rely on people caring enough to help.

Life

L is for Life.  Something you only learn the value of as you grow older.
It is a shame when you are younger that you dont really appreciate the value and importance of life and making the most of it until its too late.
I didnt really do much with mine when I had the opportunity, wasnt really bothered about exams, flitted around in crappy jobs and never really achieved anything.  I did however want to be a mum and remember pestering Rich every year from the age of 16 that I wanted a baby, he was far too sensible though and made me wait!

It wasnt really until I became a mum that I started to realise the importance of life, suddenly I didnt feel good enough so I decided it was time to make something of myself.  I started university when Jade was a year old and juggled motherhood, studying for my degree and working as much as I could.  I got the opportunity to visit Africa which made me reflect on life more and realise what was important and what wasnt.

Sadly as time went past I forgot the lessons I had learnt and started taking life for granted again.  But Life had other plans and it decided to bring me back to my senses.  We decided to try for another baby, and i thought that we would catch straight away but we didnt, a year later we were still trying, a lesson not to take life for granted.
Eventually I gave birth to Sofia and our journey through life continued.  I suddenly started to realise that life was passing us by without realising so decided I wanted to complete our family straight away so we tried for Richie.  Again life sent us a reminder and after the initial excitement over the easiness of getting pregnant, we lost our baby at 7 weeks.
I fell pregnant again straight away and was not so complacent about life this time.  After Rich got his diagnosis life suddenly became very precious and now I often sit and think about how quickly life is passing us by.  I am reminded about that song "Sunscreen" by Baz Luhrmann

"Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. "

How true that is!!!  Youth is certainly wasted on the young!

Karma

What Is Karma?

---

Karma is a Sanskrit word that means "action." Karma has commonly been considered a punishment for past bad actions, but karma is neither judge nor jury. Rather, it is simply the universal law of cause and effect that says every thought, word and act carries energy into the world and affects our present reality

http://tarot.com/articles/karma/what-is-karma.php

For K I had planned to blog about Karma.  Although im not religious or spiritual, I do believe in Karma in the sense that being good to others means that good will return to you, or at least that is what I thought until now!

If this was the case then why does bad things happen to good people?  I dont just mean us, although in a sense I do, but also friends.  There is Caz who lost her beautiful daughter Belle, Laura and her struggle to become a mummy and so many others out there who have had a horrible time of things.  

Its made me question the things that I do believe in, if someone like Rich can get cancer when bad people out there are living life to the full without a care in the world then what is the point of living a good life?  Does Karma actually exist?  Dont get me wrong, I have seen many people who get what they deserve but I am seeing more and more good people go through experiences they dont deserve and it makes me angry.

Perhaps there is a reason for it?  If there is I am struggling to find it.  I have thought long and hard about the reason behind all of these situations, i wondered if we were "chosen" because someone knew we would cope?  I dont know.  What I do know is that we have all survived and I still believe that good things will happen in the future xxx

Just mental!!

J is for just mental which probably best describes this week so far!  Certainly still on a high after the charity tea party on Sunday, was great to meet so many lovely people and to have such positive response about the day.

I thought my day could not get any better until i heard about the MAD awards from Jo over at http://jojokirtley.blogspot.com
I have not heard about them before so googled it and went to have a nose to see what is was all about.  I had a read through the blog and checked out this years nominations, imagine my surprise when I find im nominated and not just for one category but for 6!!!!!
Best MAD baby blog
Best MAD Blog writer
Best new MAD blog
Most Inspiring MAD blogger
Most MAD family life blog
and 2011 Parentdish blogger of the year
That is just mental!
I never imagined when i started rabbiting on about the crap that was being chucked at us that my blog would be nominated for awards, especially with so many other fantastic blogs out there.

So I just wanted to say a massive THANK YOU to who ever has nominated me!  Having read more on the awards, it seems like a very big privilege to be nominated for these awards and I am certainly chuffed to bits!

I have added the badge link to my page so if you following me and would like to add to my nominations then I would be chuffed to bits.  From what I understand when nominations end there is a voting round (I could be wrong, this is all so new to me!!).
At the end of the day though im just so blown away to be nominated!  It is "Just mental!!"

Incredible

I think that just about sums up today!
We had our charity Tea party today, the first charity event I have ever organised and it was just as the title says, incredible!!!
I didnt really know what to expect, I have never done anything like this before so was worried that it would be a big flop but it wasnt!
People were queuing to come in, they had a go at all the games, raffle tickets were sold by the hundreds, people bought and ate cakes, they laughed, spent money and had a brill time!

I set up a tree of thoughts, the idea being that people write a message to a lost loved on a tag and tie it to the tree.

By the end of the day the tree was full and the messages were just beautiful!  I tied each one to a balloon and took them up the fields this evening and let them go.
This is me with all the balloons

And this is the balloons floating off up into the sky, delivering the messages to people who are loved and missed

Up up and away!!!
I got very emotional doing this as did Jade who helped me to let them go.  I wrote a message to my dad who I lost when I was 7 and Jade wrote one to her Great Grandad whom she loved very much and was very close to.

I was amazed by the amount of people who came that I didnt know and have never met!! Obviously word got round which is fantastic!

I couldnt have done it without my fantastic team of helpers!  Who would have thought that there were so many kind and caring people out there who would give up their sunday afternoon just to come and help me out?  Such special kind people!!

Anyway I bet you are dying to know how much we raised??  Well, I am so proud to tell you that we raised
DRUM ROLL PLEASE






£1184.50!!!!!  Still cant quite believe it myself!!
Such an amazing day and such fun had by all!!

Red Kites Cheerleaders from West Wales Academy of Dance

Me and my mum at the end of the event!

Hectic

Ok its cheating a bit but i didnt get to post yesterday because I was hectic getting ready for the charity tea party that I was arranging.  Sorry :0(

Goat

My G is for goat, or should I say its dedicated to a very special goat!!

As you may have gathered, I live on a farm.  I love animals of all shapes and sizes (spiders excluded) and was thrilled to move onto the farm with Richard and his family and got to help out with the sheep and the cows.
As well as this fantastic home life, I managed to bag myself a job at the local theme park on the children's farm section.
I got to work with horses, cows, sheep, goats, pigs and chickens.  I really enjoyed it and loved all the animals.  Sadly foot and mouth hit the UK and the managers of the theme park decided that all the animals must go and the consensus was they were to be put down which there was no way I was going to let happen so I managed to find homes for as many of them as possible!  Rich said he had always wanted a goat so a goat is what we got!  She was born in June 2000 and called Beth.
She was only a few months old when we brought her home and decided straight away that I was her mummy.  She would follow me around the farm yard all day long and if I sat down she would curl up on my lap and go to sleep.
Rich made her a little shed for her to sleep in and during the day she would roam around the lawn munching the grass (who needs a lawn mower!!)  On the odd occasion she would come into our cottage and curl up on the rug and go to sleep.
I think it amused people who came down to our farm, most people have dogs walking around the yard, we had a goat :0)

As she grew bigger, so did her horns and by God she could cause some pain if she wanted to!  She had to be tethered as she would munch her way through Richards mums substantial flower boarders but she had a mega long lead and spent most of her time escaping from it and munching on said flowers!
When she did escape it was like something out of Benny Hill trying to catch her!  People would be diving everywhere while she would slip through  your legs.  At first you could bribe her with food but she soon got wise to that.  It got to the point where I was the only one that could catch her but you had to just sit on the floor and let her come to you then as you were smoothing her you had to wrestle her to the ground!

Beth was very much my first "baby".  See normal people have dogs or cats as a pet, not me, im different, always have been always will be!!

Sadly late last year Beth did her usual escaping trick and managed to munch something she shouldnt!  This wasnt the first time she had done this and on previous occasions we had taken her to the vet who had advised us to give her strong tea to neutralise her tummy.  Beth, like her "mummy" was not a big fan of tea so didnt really enjoy this very much but needs must so she had to have it.
This time the tea didnt work, she went downhill fast and I sat in the hay barn with her as she fell asleep, very peacefully.
I didnt get the whole crying over a dead pet thing until that day.  I phoned Rich and sobbed down the phone to him that she had died (am getting all emotional about it now!!)
Later that evening he came home, got a pic and a spade and dug a grave for her.  This was at the height of his bad shoulder and although he was in excruciating pain he carried on digging.  He then came to get blankets and laid one on the bottom of the grave, carried her over and laid her on top of the blanket.  He put another on top of her to keep her warm (sob) and buried her in a corner of our garden.  He marked her grave with stones and laid her collar on the top of the soil.  We said our good byes.

I miss seeing her about our garden, munching on the grass.  We have had to buy a lawnmower!!
So this post is dedicated to Beth, the best pet goat in the world!!

RIP Beth, the worlds best goat!!

Future

Todays F post is dedicated to the future!

What exactly is the future all about?  When I was a little girl I often wondered about the future, you do when you are little don't you.  I never imagined that at 7 my dad would die in front of me or that I would go a bit off the rails as a teenager.  I just thought life would be like the fairytales, Meet your prince, get married, have children, live happily ever after.  You dont think about the challenges that life has to throw at you along the way.

I also had a clear picture in my head about what I was going to be.  I was going to be a Paramedic and rush to 999 emergencies in an ambulance and help people.  I even did work experience at the ambulance station and loved every minute of it then saw a uni course that would help me qualify, but mum said no, we couldnt afford for me to go to university (and being the youngest of 5 she was reluctant to let me go) so there and then my future changed direction.

I never imagined at the age of 15 I would meet the man of my dreams and fall madly in love.  I never imagined 17 years later we would still be together with 3 beautiful children and the most fantastic relationship.  So I found my prince but he wont marry me, thats fine by me, we are happy as we are, but its another part of my "future" that has changed.

So here I am, 31 years old, a mum of 3 with a teaching degree (very far removed from my paramedic plans) that has been useless to me so far, waiting to hear back from college about moving in a different direction (midwifery) and still wondering what the future will hold.  So much has happened since I was little that shaped me into the person I am today but so much is still the same.

Perhaps in 30 years time I will still be wondering what the future will hold for me and my family or maybe I will be contented in life and have done everything I always wanted to do.  Who knows, but without the past being the past it was then the future there is now would be very different! (well done if you understand that last sentence!!)

Events

I have really struggled to come up with a post beginning with E, have thought about the obvious, Easter, Everything, Eating (haha) but nothing really grabbed me until my friend Caz suggested Event!

I am taking part in 2 events this year.  One is a nationwide event and one is a local event that I am organising myself.

The first event takes part this Sunday (and is causing me much stress!!)  I am organising a tea party at a community hall in our local town to raise money for the Lymphoma Association.  This little known charity has been a huge support to us during Richards treatment and provide a free helpline, a chatroom, information on the different types of lymphoma and the treatments available and much much more.  I have made lots of friends through the site, some are battling lymphoma, some have won their battle and others have lost loved ones.   Each one has a story to tell and each one an inspiration in their own right.
Anyway the tea party is going to consist of lots of tea, cakes, stalls, balloons, face painter, raffle, cheerleaders and lots of fun, I just need to get people in the door, thats my biggest worry at the moment!  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

The second event is in June and that is Race for Life!  I have done RFL since it came to our town a few years ago, originally I ran for my grandad and my aunty Diane who both died of cancer, then every year there seemed to be more people to add to my backplate.  Each year it made me more and more sad that people were losing their lives but it also made me proud that I was running in their memory. This year for a change I am running in celebration rather than memory.  I am celebrating Richards life, celebrating the fact that cancer research has been able to help to develop treatments that actually work and that save peoples lives.  Thats a pretty amazing thing to be part of.   To date I have raised an amazing £1005.00 after starting with a target of £250.  We were also featured in the local newspaper this week.

 I will feel so proud running (stumbling) round the 5K, I will have a big smile on my face and be proud to be part of something amazing!!

Daughters

D is for my daughters.  The 2 most important girlies in my life!!

When I was a little girl I longed to have a daughter, after all I was growing up in a household with 4 brothers and no sisters.  I wanted a girl to bond with and to share lots of girly things with like shopping and hair etc.

I fell pregnant with my first baby in 2001.  It was a bit of a surprise to say the least, but much wanted none the less.
We tried to find out if it was a girl or boy at the scans but they were never able to tell so we waited in anticipation.  We discussed names and decided on a boys name pretty much straight away.  Richard has a family tradition so the boy would be called Richard William.  A girls name was not so easy but one evening I came home from a late shift at work and Richard has decided on Jade as a name.  He had his heart set on it so I agreed.
On the 1st Feb 2002 Jade Louise was born after a 4 hour labour.  She weighed in at 5lb 10oz and was just perfect.  I threw myself into motherhood and relished in every second of having a little girl.

Jade is now 9 years old and is such a beautiful little girl.  She is full of pre teen attitude and can be quite feisty but she is also kind and loves her little sister and brother so much.
She is a very bright little girl who loves to sing and dance.  She is the apple of her daddies eye and they are very very close.
She shares my passion for clothes and shoes which makes shopping a lot of fun and also very expensive!  She is a proper dainty girly girl and everything I imagined my daughter to be!



In contrast to Jade comes my 2nd daughter Sofia.  For as long as I can remember, Jade wished for a little sister.  I decided to finish my degree and settle in a job before we had any more children.  Time went by and I finished my degree and started looking for a teaching job.  Jobs were few and far between so I bounced from one school to another doing supply work.  It got to the point where I realised the job wasnt going to happen and I was getting older so we decided to try for baby number 2.  After a year of trying I was delighted to finally fall pregnant with daughter number 2.  Jade was over the moon about having a baby sister!
Sofia Rose was born on 7th November 2008 after a 26 min labour!!  That was a sign of things to come!  Sofia is very different to Jade, she is like a whirlwind! She shouts and demands.  She strops and cries and can be a total monster BUT she is also cuddly and funny and loves to play with Jade.
She has the cheekiest smile and is such a joy!

I love my 2 girls very much and appreciate how lucky I am to have them in my life!

Cancer

Day 3 of the blogging challenge and it wouldnt be right to pass by the letter C without touching on cancer, after all it has touched our lives and has now shaped our future.

Cancer is a scary word, it fills people with dread, it conjures up images of death and despair.  When Richard was first diagnosed that is the image that instantly popped into my head.  He had cancer, he was going to die.  This has been my biggest fear since I fell in love with him, loosing him.

This has been a long and stressful journey, something I never thought would happen to us BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel.  It has made US stronger as a couple, stronger as parents, stronger as individuals so I guess you can look at it with the view cancer didnt beat us, we beat it!

Cancer has made us better people.

Building

For the letter "B" of my A to Z blogging challenge I have decided to go with Building as my theme.

Since I have known Richard, he has always been very practical and very hands on, first with his cars and then when we bought and did up a small bungalow.  I was always impressed by the fact he learnt new skills quickly and was able to turn his hand to anything he wanted to.

Just before our first child was born in 2002, Richard decided he wanted to have a go at building a house.  I was more than a little nervous about this project as we had only done a little bit of DIY before and neither of us knew anything about building really.
We looked at a few plots locally put there was one that really caught our eye.  It was originally a pub car park but the owners had closed the pub down and converted it into a cottage and 2 houses and was selling everything off.  We looked at the plot a few times, went away and thought about it, came back to look at it some more and after a lot of consideration decided we would go for it..

The main thing that drew us back to the plot time and time again were the views of the rolling countryside.  Standing on this empty plot and looking across the fields was just breathtaking (as was the wind coming off the fields!!)

So once the plot was officially ours we planned out our design and Richard got Auto CAD and taught himself how to draw up house designs.  When we completed our design we got it printed out and submitted it to the local planning officer.  It was a long and nervous wait to hear if we had got planning permission or not, most people we knew did not get permission the first time so we were anticipating a negative response.
By some small miracle the planning officer passed our design first time and we set off on what was to become an epic house building project.

Everything that has been done to our house so far, with exception of the plastering, has been done by Richard with a little help here and there from his dad, brother, my brothers and of course me :o)

I like to think I was an interior designer in a previous life, mind you how many of us think that!!  I think Richard would probably beg to differ as we have totally different taste when it comes to interior design which can often cause minor disagreements!!

We are currently on our 9th year of building.  That does sound a long time, and had you asked me when we started building if I thought for one second we would still be building 9 years on then I would have probably laughed hysterically at you, but the reality of it is, life just simply got in the way!
3 children later and a battle with cancer almost complete means our beloved house has taken a back seat but that does not mean there is no progress.

Richard has worked tirelessly on the house on weekends and days off and do you know what?  Not even his chemotherapy stopped him!  He would have his treatment on a Tuesday and by the Friday was back at the house working.  In the 6 months of his treatment he has fitted out 2 bathrooms, laid underfloor heating, finished slating the garage room, installed solar panels and laid floors.  His utter determination has seen him get over the sickness and exhaustion and back out to our plot within days of that horrible combination of drugs.

So where are we now?  Well below is a collage of a few pictures I have taken throughout the build.  The plan is to hopefully be in the house by Christmas but who knows what else life has to throw at us first!  It will be worth it in the end!!

Anabelle

So today is my first day of my A-Z blogging challenge and I guess the easiest and most obvious post would have been about me but lets face it, you would have fallen asleep after the first paragraph!

So todays post is about Anabelle. Why Anabelle and who is she?

Anabelle is a very special little girl. Her Mummy Caz was pregnant the same time as me last year and we shared stories of morning sickness, aches, pains and other joyful things that are associated with pregnancy.
I had a lot of friends pregnant last year which was fab and I got rather excited that some were due around my birthday. I have always teased my friends that I wanted a birthday baby but they all gave birth before or after.

It never crossed my mind for one second that Anabelle would be my birthday buddy, after all Caz was not due to give birth until August and my birthday was in June but out of the blue the news reached me that "Belle" was born on the 21st of June 2010. Now being born on my birthday did not make her a special baby, being born to fantastic parents like Caz and Jon didnt make her a special baby, the thing that made Anabelle special was that she was born sleeping.

Words could not ever describe how I felt when I heard the news, my stomach lurched, I felt sick and sat and sobbed for hours. I couldnt figure out how this could happen. I had never come across stillbirth before and ill be honest, i didnt think it was something that still happened very often. Now I know differently, it does happen, it happened to Caz and Jon and it happens to 17 families a day! 17 families a day go through the most traumatic event of their lives.

How do people cope with such devastation? I guess somehow you do! Caz copes by a number of different methods, one of those is by blogging (you can read her blog here)  It was Caz that inspired me to start blogging so I guess its only right that in my first blogging challenge I dedicate it to her and her beautiful Anabelle.

Although I never met Anabelle, I will never forget her, how could I?  She is my birthday buddy xxx