Tuesday, 1 February 2011

In limbo

I think this best describes how i am feeling now.
I didnt sleep much last night thinking about how today would go and what it would feel like to go to the hospital for his last session.
It has become so familiar to us now, drop the children off at mum's, battle to find a parking space in the stupidly small car park then wander up to the Chemo day unit where as always we are sent to the day ward and Rich picks a bed where we then wait to be seen.
This was him sat waiting today:
As usual his assigned nurse Tracy distracted us with her whitty conversation which today took the form of football transfers, boxer dogs and house building.  The normality of the conversation between us all would perhaps seem odd to an outside observer but for is it is perfect.
Then before we know it, its all over!
Rich is currently in bed sleeping it off while I am sat here feeling somewhat in limbo.  One chapter is finished and im waiting for the next one to open.  We have kind of turned full cycle, it began in limbo, waiting and now we have returned to waiting for the next step and being in limbo again.

I am also feeling a little sad that Jade is not the focus of the day and that other people are doing the things for her that I should be doing.  Dont get me wrong, i am very grateful to my family for throwing her a little tea party this evening after school but I am sad for her that her daddy wont be there to share it with her but as i said yesterday it is a small sacrifice to make if it means a future with her daddy.

1 comment:

  1. This blog has made me cry. I've joined your group on BMB and I'm following. My mam had non hodkins last year. Please get in touch with me. Ask me anything. xx


    i started writing my blog because i couldn't deal with my mam's illness. I hope blogging helps you too. xx