Monday, 24 October 2011

Day's of disbelief

For the most part I seem to be getting on with things pretty well.  College is manic, the business is doing well and we have settled down into family life quite well then every so often I get caught out.  Something comes along and reminds me that the last year actually did happen and it wasnt really some kind of strange dream.

Last night I was laying in bed reading "Confessions of a GP".  As books go its ok, a light read i suppose you would call it. Last nights chapter was about the GP's friend who died from Lymphoma and wham, it all comes flooding back.  I was trying to think back to Richie's first few months and all i can remember is hospital visits, leaving him at my mum's, a few times where he came to the hospital and got fussed over by the tea ladies, and they really fussed over him lol!  But thats about it. I dont remember that first smile, the first time he clapped hands, all those little special moments that I wont get back and this does make me sad.

I have spent an hour or so this evening reading back over my blog and it is almost as if it has been written by a stranger.  Perhaps it is my minds way of coping with it all by blocking it all out but in the process my baby boys first year has been blocked out too, and not just him either, I dont seem to have noticed Sofia growing and changing.  She is such a darling little girl (challenging at times i must add lol) and her sense of humour and comedy timing is fantastic.  She is a proper little ray of sunshine in this household.  Her and Richie have developed an incredibly close relationship and are a proper comedy duo in creche.

It is hard to believe that any of this actually happened, hard to comprehend, hard to understand and hard to find meaning to it all.
Rich said to me last night that he wondered what would have happened had the hospital not found it or he had not gone to the Dr's that day, would he be dead now.  I cant even process that thought.
I asked him if he was as scared as I was about it coming back, his reply "Time to sleep now"  his answer says it all.


  1. Fair- play you are an inspiration to others. You've coped better than most through what must be the worst nightmare that could occur. Good memories will come back and hopefully the bad ones will be gone for ever Sharon xx

  2. You are amazing. It is all a blur to me yet sometimes a moment will come back razor sharp and hurt like hell! Keep going...I know you will.
    Love and hugs,
    Katy xxx

  3. When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

    A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

    When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
    He then asked the students if the jar was full.
    They agreed that it was.

    The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
    He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
    They agreed it was.

    The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
    Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
    The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

    The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
    The students laughed.

    'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.'

    'The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.'

    'The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.'

    'The sand is everything else; the small stuff.'

    'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'

    'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Take your bike for a ride in the country.'

    'There will always be time to clean the house and fix the lawn mower. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

    One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

    The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that, no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend. '