Bloggers block?

As I lay snuggled up to Rich in bed last night I was thinking about what my next blog post should be about, I made a mental note about topics and what to say, then fell asleep all wrapped up nice and warm in his arms.
I woke this morning and sorted the children out then sat down to write but the words refused to come, even now as I type I have no idea where I am going with this post or what I want to say.  Delete has been my best friend today, I have typed, deleted, typed, deleted.  Each time I have read over what I have written and wondered why people actually read this stuff?

It was a radio show that got me thinking about my blog last night, I was in the shower and had the radio on Radio 1 Sunday Surgery listening to Aled Hayden Jones.  The topic last night was death and the people sharing their stories had connections with cancer.  It was heartbreaking to listen to but I couldn't tear myself away from it.  It occurred to me while listening to the show how little people really know and understand about cancer.  One of the questions from a listener was "Does everyone who gets cancer die?"  Well technically the answer is yes, they will all die, eventually, as will we all but cancer does not mean the end which is kinda what they were asking.

There are so many misconceptions surrounding cancer and its really frustrating.  You mention cancer to someone and they instantly think death or old person or smoking.  It is what we have been exposed to all our lives, the dangers of smoking, the dangers of this, the dangers of that but what did Richard do to get it?  Nothing!  He has never smoked, as long as I have known him he has been fit and healthy, not even a cold!
He didnt go out drinking every weekend, he ate his veg and fruit so what did he do wrong?

If I could only achieve one thing with this blog it would be for each and everyone of you reading this to understand that cancer can invade anyone no matter how old or young, healthy or unhealthy.  It does not mean the end of a life as we see it.  Our life has ended, our old life that is, now we have a new life, a different path to follow.  We are the same people but different.

Forever my Hero, my fiance

I saw this slogan on a website selling Lymphoma awareness merchandise and I thought it was so apt cos that is what he is, my hero!

The 2nd round of chemo seems to have gone so well and im so proud of how well he is coping with it all. His strength and determination is amazing although I feel there is an aspect of sheer stubboness in there too!

Me on the other hand? Im rubbish at all this and I just want to bury my head in the sand and wish it would all go away. It was all going well until it came to the grand revealing of the newly shaved head and then its gone down hill since then, not him you understand, he is still full of humour and his usual self, it's just me. The moment he came out of that bathroom my heart was broken. It broke because I cant fix this, i cant make it better for him, im not in control. It broke because our 3 innocent, beautiful and loving children have to see their daddy like this and see him go through this horrible treatment.

I have never held him as tight as I did last night. I hate that we all have to go through this, I hate that it has to be us :0(

I dont know if I will ever get used to seeing him without his gorgeous thick dark hair but this horrible illness has taken the choice away from me.